on second thought, probably shouldn't post stuff that personal on a public blog hahah.

blindfolded

When those words left your lips I wondered how someone could ever think they were untrue. Weighing heavy I could practically see them hanging in front of my eyes, if something was that obvious how could it be lied? As life continued those words were all I could focus on, no matter what happened, it had been said out loud, so it had to be true. I was never one to be easily mistaken by people, I was a sceptic, a pessimist maybe even. But in that one moment of weakness it bit me in the ass, unnoticed, taking me with it in it's pathetic slur. No detail went by without it noticed, dissected, thought trough. The way you'd say something, the tone in your voice, the timing. I saw it all, I understood. It was either completely sincere or the greatest con of all, but that would never happen to me, not in my life, not while I was calling the shots. I was myself, I was not going to be demeaned.And in that moment thriving with security, confidence, on top of the world you pushed me. You snuck up behind me and pushed me into the deep, not only with my face but with my complete body in the truth, the undeniable truth. Not only undeniable because i had nowhere else to look, but undeniable because everyone had seen it happen. And so I layed claustrophobically, my arms, my feet, the knuckles on my hands itching with regret, uneasily, stupidly. I had been completely blindfolded the whole time. Sometimes you get so caught up in the details that you fail to see the bigger picture, a common mistake some would say. My carefully thought out theory on life once again took a 360 turn, all by one insignificant person. Made up from the same substance as me, nothing more nothing less.

winter

The winter blew in too hard this year, bringing it's thick, icy blanket covering streets and houses, sneaking into our souls and over our eyes. As every year my degree of feeling dropped with every snow flake that fell, leaving me close to emotionless at the end of the winter. Years I wondered if this was a permanent condition, something I wasn't going to shake off, only to suddenly realize it's one of the downs that comes with the season. The snow and frost seem to be able to isolate ones heart, crashing in unexpectedly and swallowing it whole. So once again I sit and watch me fade away, not being able to fully listen and participate in conversations, often wondering what i've been doing, restless. Every feeling and thought feels subdued, half complete, it just can't reach my brain anymore. Untill these little moments where I briefly wake up from my deep winter sleep and try to walk west instead of east, looking into the few new rays of sunlight. Only to realize it's not really quite there yet and slowly drift back into a deep slumber, waiting for summer to bring it's sunshine, blinding the dissatisfaction and emotionlessness from my eyes.